Often, as a person gets older and has more experiences, he or she finds that they are falling in love less and less – without knowing why. You think you’re ready for love, but the truth is –you’re not. And that’s ok, there’s nothing wrong with you, but there are some things you should be aware of if love is what you ultimately want. Wanting to fall in love and being prepared to fall in love are quite different. If you have tried and tried again and still come up short, then you might want to pay attention to the list below. With a bit of luck and positive vibes, you can find peace of mind. You may have a difficult time expressing yourself, which can hinder your chances of finding real love. You may have even felt strong emotions for someone but always seem to pull away. This article will help shed light on some of the possible reasons why you aren’t able to really open up. Read on to find out some of the possible reasons why you can’t seem to fall in love.
Sounds familiar? Here are 11 reasons why you might not be falling in love the way you used to:
1. Instant gratification
We live in a society that has trained us to expect instant gratification – we feel that the world owes us whatever we want right here, right now. However, falling in love takes time and patience. Something that comes easily is usually poor quality.
2. Emotional unavailability
You prefer not to share your deep rooted feelings with others – perhaps you are scared of putting yourself in a position of vulnerability. You hide your feelings in order to appear more confident and successful. This type of behaviour hinders falling in love. When you cannot share your true self with another, the sacred place of deep intimacy, trust and sharing cannot be accessed.
There are lots of possible reasons that a person is wary of commitment – maybe they were hurt in the past, or perhaps they’ve been programmed to always look for “something better.” If you find that you are on a never-ending search for someone better-looking or more appealing than the person you find yourself with at any given moment, there might be a problem. With this behaviour you run the risk of letting great individuals get away. Learn to focus on the here & now rather than think about what you could “theoretically” find in the future. Life is short.
There’s nothing wrong with caring about your needs and your own wellbeing. However, part of being ripe for a relationship is to be open to care about another person’s needs and desires. There is a happy balance.
5. Mistaken identity
Do you REALLY want to fall in love? Do you REALLY want a relationship? Many people walk around under the false impression that all they really want is a loving committed relationship. Yet, whenever they stand at the doorway of one, they break up. Sometimes we don’t realize that actually, we prefer to be single, date around, and refrain from long-term commitment for now. And that’s completely okay.
6. No compromise
You have a very specific laundry list of all the things your future partner MUST have. And you’re not willing to budge. This type of thinking is extremely unhelpful when it comes to dating. What’s more, it’s totally unrealistic. The reason you can’t find your perfect match is because he or she might not even exist. Nobody is perfect. We all have faults. Instead of obsessing over the qualities you want your partner to have, focus on the good qualities your partner DOES have.
Since having your heart broken, you desperately seek a new love to help you get over your ex. This is reasonable, but you might want to stop calling it a new love –you can call it a rebound, but more than likely it will not be the relationship you desire. Until you can get over your ex, you will not be ready to fall in love again. So do all the things that will get you there –not only for love, but for yourself.
There is no perfection on earth. Even nature has self-destructive elements in it. Stop expecting people or journeys, or yourself to be perfect. People make mistakes, and many times grow stronger because of them.
While there’s nothing wrong with being focused on a successful career, that situation often leaves you neglectful of your soul and your need for love. You should find a balance and be sure to make time and emotional space for letting love into your life – the benefits are far greater than any sum of money or amount of “success.”
This is not to say shy people don’t or can’t fall in love, but studies show that introverts have a difficult time coming out of their shells and opening up. If this rings true to you, try to find someone who respects your shyness and values your silence-is-golden motto. Opposites attract might not be the best model to follow for the introvert.
When you’re uncertain about who you are or what you want, it’s hard to pinpoint what you’re missing. It might be love, but it very well might be something else. Until you feel more confident in yourself and your needs, you will have a tough time falling for anyone. Uncertainty about anything is never any fun, teach yourself how to trust your instincts, this is why we have them.
Finally if you don’t want love, then good for you. You might be on a spiritual journey, you might be trying to heal yourself, you might be selfish –all those are excellent reasons to not want to be in love. But you don’t get away so easily. Actually, we think you are in love –you’re in love with yourself. Now that’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.